Emotions

What a roller coaster week of emotions.

I am so glad I'm not in control. But I struggle with not being in control. I KNOW God has His best plan for me. But sometimes I feel so far away from it - lost. I want to scream and be angry and know that He won't scream and be angry. Anissa told me last night about how she finally got the revelation that "I [God] am slow to anger." She saw herself just laying on His chest kicking and screaming and crying. And God just held her and loved her. That's how I have felt this week. Only I wasn't sure if He was holding and loving me. But now I think even if my heart doesn't get it, I'll just think on it til it permiates me. I need to be able to just be where I'm at in the middle of all of this, without fear of offending the Creator of the Universe, Who happens to also be my Father. God, help me to really get this. I need You like never before.

We took Luke to see the house today. Here we go up the roller coaster track. We were so excited - the house was being emptied today, and we got to wander through and just imagine this time next week. I can't believe it's actually happening. It's been tough financially to get everything together, but we just keep remembering the picture He showed me a few weeks ago. God doesn't put You in His car, only to drive you half-way to your destination, drop you off and leave you to go the rest of the way alone. He's all about fulfilling that which He began. So we continue to step and trust.

It was wonderful to see Cole and Luke so excited about the house. My own imagination hasn't stopped since - thinking and dreaming about all of the things we'll do and buy and make over the years to make it truly ours. The house is gorgeous and promising, and what a garden!

Did I mention that it's right on the water???