House church was AWESOME last night. I love it when you feel connected - to God and to each other. I love my Community at Hope Church!
In other news, I have several real estate agents coming through the house on Monday and I am not ready. I don't know what my level of responsibility and obligation is to have this place tip top, but I FEEL like I need to achieve perfection. We are just renting, but I guess maybe I feel like I'm not stewarding this house as well as I should be....
Which brings me to my next topic.
I know three things about myself.
What I'm not: a good housekeeper. I don't enjoy it. I like clean. I dislike clutter. But getting from untidy/dirty/etc. to a point that I'm happy with is difficult. I don't know how to do it halfway. I detest clutter behind doors and in cupboards and drawers, so when these things are not properly done, even though the outside may look perfect, it bugs me. I end up overwhelming myself with a humongous to-do list, that is practically impossible to complete. Then I stress. Then I yell. It's not a good scene.
What I am: a great mom. My kids are doing well. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm doing it ok, but then someone else will spend time with my kids, and leave saying to me what great kids they are, well-mannered, no fighting...I guess as mom I see the negative stuff more often, and it's not that I or they are perfect and don't make mistakes, but I do know that I'm not failing at motherhood. Except when I'm trying to clean. My number one factor to bring on yelling - stressing over my to-do list. So oftentimes I have to forego the projects and spend time with my kids. Then I feel guilty that I'm being lazy and I'm scared someone is going to walk in and judge me for my mess. But at least I'm not sacrificing their need for relationship with me...and I think when it comes down to it, that's the most important, although I have to remind myself of this quite often. I just know when I'm 80 yrs. old I will not be saying, "Wow I really wished I'd have cleaned that _____ one more time!" But if I miss out on relationship with my kids while they are little, I will regret.
What I will be: Made perfect in Christ. Because NOTHING matters that I do or don't do. He loves me. He loves me just the way I am. But He will not leave me just the way I am either. I have a hope and promise of eternity, and that makes this life so much more precious. Can you imagine if this were all there was? Thank you God, for hope that extends beyond what we see here.
So today I will work away at my to-do list and if the kids start showing signs of neglect, I will not stress and yell, I will stop. And read to them. And hug them. And tickle them. And love them.
In other news, I have several real estate agents coming through the house on Monday and I am not ready. I don't know what my level of responsibility and obligation is to have this place tip top, but I FEEL like I need to achieve perfection. We are just renting, but I guess maybe I feel like I'm not stewarding this house as well as I should be....
Which brings me to my next topic.
I know three things about myself.
What I'm not: a good housekeeper. I don't enjoy it. I like clean. I dislike clutter. But getting from untidy/dirty/etc. to a point that I'm happy with is difficult. I don't know how to do it halfway. I detest clutter behind doors and in cupboards and drawers, so when these things are not properly done, even though the outside may look perfect, it bugs me. I end up overwhelming myself with a humongous to-do list, that is practically impossible to complete. Then I stress. Then I yell. It's not a good scene.
What I am: a great mom. My kids are doing well. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm doing it ok, but then someone else will spend time with my kids, and leave saying to me what great kids they are, well-mannered, no fighting...I guess as mom I see the negative stuff more often, and it's not that I or they are perfect and don't make mistakes, but I do know that I'm not failing at motherhood. Except when I'm trying to clean. My number one factor to bring on yelling - stressing over my to-do list. So oftentimes I have to forego the projects and spend time with my kids. Then I feel guilty that I'm being lazy and I'm scared someone is going to walk in and judge me for my mess. But at least I'm not sacrificing their need for relationship with me...and I think when it comes down to it, that's the most important, although I have to remind myself of this quite often. I just know when I'm 80 yrs. old I will not be saying, "Wow I really wished I'd have cleaned that _____ one more time!" But if I miss out on relationship with my kids while they are little, I will regret.
What I will be: Made perfect in Christ. Because NOTHING matters that I do or don't do. He loves me. He loves me just the way I am. But He will not leave me just the way I am either. I have a hope and promise of eternity, and that makes this life so much more precious. Can you imagine if this were all there was? Thank you God, for hope that extends beyond what we see here.
So today I will work away at my to-do list and if the kids start showing signs of neglect, I will not stress and yell, I will stop. And read to them. And hug them. And tickle them. And love them.
posted by BJ @ 7:31 a.m.
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