A Thought or Two

I am really struggling in my decision to homeschool. Not because of me, or even the children, and definitely my husband is on board. It's everyone else's opinions. I need to grow so much in this area. I wish that I could just not let it affect me so much. Why does it? What is in me that allows their words and opinions to block out those things that I know are true for me and my family? What can I do to not allow this to continue? If God has spoken to me (us) about something (ie: homeschooling or family size), then that should be that. I don't tell other people what I think they are doing wrong, or how I disagree with them. It's not that I never disagree with people, but is there value in pushing my beliefs and convictions onto someone else? I don't think so. And so I wish I had the courage to just say: "I appreciate that you have a different point of view on this than I do. I respect your right to your own opinion. However in favor of doing the best for our relationship, please refrain from pointing out all the things you think I'm doing wrong. I already have enough self-doubt and second-guessing; you are not helping me stay focused on what I know God has called me to do." You see it's not that I don't make mistakes. God knows and I know how often I mess up. But I also don't do everything WRONG either. And when it comes to what God has called me to do, it just happens to be against the flow, and out of the ordinary, even, perhaps disappointingly so, amongst Christians. It takes a lot of faith, trust and sacrifice, and I question every day if I can really do this. But because I have been called to trust God in EVERYTHING (yes, that includes when and how many children we have), then I just live it out day to day, continuing to do my best, and throw myself on His mercy.

These kids are great, by the way, and I am enjoying them more and more each day. They each have such unique personalities and traits, and it's a joy to watch them interracting with each other.

I'm more scared of missing out on God's best for us than anything else. So even though I may hurt for a few moments, and once in a while shed a tear because of someone's less than sensitive words, I am determined to do what I am called to. And I will do it with a grateful heart, full of joy and peace. For the days I don't quite get that far, I lean into God's mercy even more.

First Day

So today was our first day back into our normal schedule. Greg is off to work by 6 am, and not home until 6 (though tonight it was after 7 - normally it should be 6). Laurie and Gayla came and took Cole and Luke to the Frex for a couple of hours, and then McDonald's for supper. Brett and Ellie joined me for a walk in the late afternoon air - hello nice weather! Where were you in August? Anyway, for the most part it was a good day. Until about 10 minutes before bedtime. So I'm ending my day with a messy house, no food to send with Greg for lunch tomorrow, and having been up since 4 am, I'm not dealing with it tonight. This is my official first day of homeschooling, although not really, because we're still waiting for curriculum. So good day for the most part...bad mommy for losing temper at the end. God's grace is sufficient for us, yes? And His mercy is new every morning. Bedtime, I can't wait for a new morning! :)

Attitude Adjustment

How many times have I required of Cole (I pick him simply because he's the oldest and I've done this the most with him) to quit whining, complaining, crying, whatever his manner of expressing his disgust about his particular situation, to adjust his attitude? Lately God has been arresting me about that very thing. I think sometimes as adults we often demand things of our children in areas that we ourselves struggle with, but we ignore His prodding to do what is necessary to improve.

For example, I have been stirred lately in pretty much every area of my life to work through things so that I can live freely. I realized that when it comes to my family, being home with my children, homeschooling them, serving my husband, etc. my attitude is yucky. Quite yucky. So lately I have been spending much time thinking and praying on this issue. I don't want to wish this time of my life away. Gosh it is already speeding by! So I am making some purposeful steps toward walking this part of my journey with God in a joyous, thankful, encouraging, uplifting state of heart. I am realistic - I know there will be days that are more difficult than others. But I also know that my attitude and responses can quickly change those things around.

God, I am making a conscious decision to walk the way of Christ in this. I want to honour You in all I do. I need Your strength and wisdom as I do this.

Did I mention that Ellie is now walking. As of yesterday. She did take a couple of steps about 3 wks ago, but she is taking a few at a time now, and laughing hysterically as she does.

Sidenote: Cole has just come upstairs (they've been tucked in bed for about an hour) to announce: Mom, I'm the quietest and Luke and Brett are the loudest. Aren't you glad I'm the quietest? At least he has no issues with recognizing good things in himself! ;)

A Few Snippets

I think I'm starting to become more of a blogger in spirit. It would seem that I don't have much to write about when I look back over my life as a blogger. Sporadic, serious, or mundane seems to be my style of posting. Funny thing though, I'm nothing like that. It just doesn't occur to me to blog some of the crazy moments. Until lately. I'm starting to do what I've seen other people write about. Something insane or funny or down right impossibly hilarious happens, and I'm going, hey, I could blog about that. So perhaps, I may actually start getting a blog life!

So here's one now, taken from life at home, about five minutes ago.

Dh is getting ready for work. Late (again! - bless his heart!), and frantically trying to find a belt. I of course don't wear his belts, yet somehow as Keeper of the Home, I am also Keeper of all wardrobe accessories. ANYWAY...we're both running around frantically (I know, I know if I were a *GOOD* Keeper of the Home, I'd know exactly where the belt is because it would be rolled up side by side with his other belt in his top drawer), and Brett goes into our room, looks up at dh and says.....

"Mommy's too heavy."

Thanks.