I'm tired. Exhausted. I have had so much going on these past two weeks, and EVERYONE in our house is feeling it. Dh and I are feeling pretty disconnected, Cole's acting up beyond what is normal for him, and of course there's Luke and Brett. I think I'm going to try to get up and hit some yard sales in the morning. We'll see. It depends how much sleep I get tonight.

I finally got in to see Gayla. I had to see her with my own eyes for it to seem real. She's got a long road ahead of her. But I know that I'm supposed to be part of that. And though I've been feeling not at all adequate for the job this week, I had a long talk with Laurie last night, and now I feel like I'm putting on my armor, pulling up my bootstraps, and I'm getting ready to go help Gayla fight. I know it's going to be challenging for both of us, and her family, but I now feel ready for it. I pray I find a way to get down there more often.

What a gift Laurie has been to me. I don't know what the future holds for any of us, but I can say one thing with great certainty: I am completely aware in a way I've never been of my God who never sleeps. He is always busy with things, causing meetings and events and circumstances to dance together in such a way that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt there is no "chance." I have often longed and prayed for true friends - friends that are going in the same direction as me, and that love me when we do veer off on different paths for a time over particular issues. Friends that I know I can call for a laugh, a hug, reassurance, balance, calmness, and joy. I have found that in Chrissie, in Gayla, and in Laurie. I am blessed.

I am more confident in what I must do for Luke. Still not sure about Cole. Do I homeschool? I'm getting more opinions that I shouldn't, but I'm not at ease with that in myself at all. I feel that yes, it will be difficult. But I feel that if that is God's best for my family, and if that's the task he's set before me, He will give me what I need to do it. And in case you're reading, God, I believe the first gift I would need from you in that regard is a gift of organization! I know I won't be able to accomplish what I need to for my children if I don't organize. And that's not my strongest point. I can do it when I have to though.

Have to go to bed now.

It doesn't look good. Laurie came by Saturday morning, and we had a good cry together, and I finally got the whole REAL story. I hate it when information gets passed around and it's wrong. Esp. when it's one of my best friends that it's about. I'm sad. And angry. And trying to trust God. And praying for a miracle...

I have a dear friend, who I've known for just over a year. We met when Greg and I still attended Second Kingsclear Church. I was leading worship for the Good Friday service, and she was visiting with her dad. She approached me because she had recorded and cd, and was wanting to do a second, and needed a pianist.

Gayla writes her own songs. But she does not read or write music, so when she is given a song, she writes down the words and then sings it for me and I put the music to it. We're half-way through recording her second cd, "The Lord I'm Listening Project."

Gayla was on her way home for supper (5-ish) on her motorcycle on the Mazerolle Settlement Rd. on Saturday afternoon. She was coming around a blind turn, and a guy was backing out of a driveway. She pretty much got the bike stopped, but she went flying and hit the car on the rear passenger door. Her back is broken, though she does have movement in her legs; she has a broken rib, collapsed lung, and head injuries. Her brain was swelling so they transferred her to Saint John.

She's mostly been out of it - drug induced. Not sure of the outcome - will she walk? Is her brain damaged? Only time will tell.

SHe has completely endeared herself to not just me, but my whole family. Please, God, let her be ok.

Luke was diagnosed in March with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It's been a bit of a roller-coaster as far as emotions go. Some days I feel very encouraged, and others are discouraging.

This week I was made to feel like someone else knows better what to do for my son, my family, than I do. I don't like that feeling.

Dh and I went away for our anniversary a couple of weeks ago, and his parents came and stayed with Cole and Luke. They took them to "The Meeting Place" for church (not our regular one, and not our choice), and then to some friends' for a bbq. We know these friends well enough, and have been meaning to get in touch with one of them in particular. She has worked with autistic children, and has lots of information and experience. We've been wanting to have a good chat with her, and collect some ideas for working with Luke. Now I *feel* like my mil thinks she's the authority on what's best for Luke/us, because she was the one to spend time with Barb and talk to her about Luke.

I love and appreciate my mother in law, but man she can get under my skin. What to do? I know I need to sit down and have a chat with her, but I hate confrontation. I know in my heart-of-hearts that the BEST - not EASIEST - thing for our family is homeschooling. I knew that before we had Cole, and now that I have Luke's diagnosis to take into consideration, it only strengthens that belief.